THE STUDLEY CONSTABLE GAZETTE
MARCH 1940 EDITION
The Studley Constable Gazette brings you the news from our local District, the County, our beloved England, and throughout the United Kingdom. Each month we will bring you articles and items of interest. Long Live the King.
The Editor.
WORLDLY TRAVELLER ENTRANCES ALL WITH HIS ADVENTURES
Intrepid Empire Traveller and Wealthy Dilettante
Colonel Reginald Fortesque-Smythe IIIrd treated a gathering of locals to a free
lunch of pork pies, salads, traditional eastern sweetmeats and pastries, and
cool refreshing lemonade as he retold tales of excitement and adventure from
his recent overseas trips.
The Colonel, provided photographs and colour
drawings to the accompaniment of elegant chamber music as he recanted anecdotes
and escapades of astounding tales.
His most welcomed tale was that of the German
Gestapo agents fighting British Troops through the streets of Cairo. The
Germans it appeared had kidnapped an Arab trader, who had it was discovered obviously
overcharged them for some petty trinkets of jewelry.
The ensuring battle involved car chases,
gunfire through bazaars, and heroic deeds eventually ended in a wadi not far
from the Nile where a final stand was made by the dastardly Germans.
Unfortunately, the Colonel recanted, the
trader was shot dead by his German assailants before he could be rescued. The assembled
crowd booed as the Germans tried to fake a surrender under a white flag whilst
concealing fire arms but cheered as the Germans were shot and all killed as a
result of this treachery of the Geneva convention.
RIOTS
IN LIVERPOOL
Local Polish Undertaker Wladmir Kowalski reported that whilst visiting his cousin and family who had arrived as refugees from Poland last month, he observed many police and a minor riot in the working class suburbs of Liverpool.
ITALIAN
GOODS BOYCOTTED
The entire community began an indefinite
boycott of Italian goods as a result of the Italian treaty with Germany.
Noting that under the new agreement Italy was
effectively “declaring war on France and England” through overt support of Nazi
Germany, it’s no wonder the people of Britain are upset a spokesman for the Government
commented on hearing of the boycott.
Local publican George Wild stated when asked
why the boycott “ Well how do you think our soldiers will feel when they are
shot at with bullets made in Italy by German soldiers who until recently were
working in factories but have joined the German Army as a result of Italians doing
their job in their absence?”
Mr Wild continued “ This is not neutrality
but a sneaky declaration of war upon England and France – I hope the American
people stand up and take note of how fascists circumvent international law.”
Speculation continues within all levels of the country over this latest escalation of the war in Europe.
BRITISH
TOOPS LAND IN FRANCE TO HERO’S WELCOME
A report that soldiers have arrived in France to assist the French was today confirmed by the Times Newspaper. Those with serving males from their household were happy to hear that the local French citizens greeted their loved ones with affection and encouragement. Speculation as to the final posting of the BEF has continued with the latest report (unconfirmed) that the BEF would be stationed on the Maginot line to relieve French troops elsewhere.
PERSONAL NOTICES - For our local lads and friends abroad.
Wooden clogs are available in size 9 only.
The author will be late for his booksigning.
Gruyere is a strong tasting cheese.
Love is a greater law unto itself.
Blow, blow thou Winter wind, Thou art not so unkind.
Probitas laudatur et alget.
The Boy Scouts Handbook is for sale.
